Today I opened, strangely only for the second time, an ebook on TOEFL writing techniques. On the front page it writes, “if winning isn’t everything, why do they keep score?” It’s a quote from some great American football coach, so no doubt that they kept score. I don’t remember how long ago I wrote a song named “Winner”, attempting to remind myself of how competitive I used to be. Well, still moderately I’d say, but definitely much more than I am now. I know there’s no absoluteness in anything and winning itself can have millions of definitions and blah blah blah. It started snowing earlier this morning, right around the time when I was leaving home for work. Then it got heavier and more visible. I mean the snow. The sky is by no means visible as I’m searching for it right now with my eyes. People say that snow takes ailments away. I hope it’s true. I had a pear steamed with honey last night for dinner in spite of its nauseating taste. I watched a part of Heartworn Highways again just to get comfort from their soothing voices. I went to bed around 21.30 and dreamed this magnificent dream that supposedly lasted for half of the night. How I became friends with my first boyfriend, and his wife. He (the slim and fit version of him) showed me into their home, which is the real magnificent part. It’s in a round shape and had at least two floors and a breathtaking cupola. It resembled an amphitheater or ballroom or auditorium or I don’t know what. I didn’t see the stage, but if there should be one, it must be on the first floor right in the middle. We were sitting on the second floor, a circling area for the audience to sit. I’m not sure if they were made from woods. How about the cupola? I never actually looked up. I woke up this morning with a slightly better (or just less dry and breathless) feeling, although I’m well aware of the falsehood forged in that dream. And again the winning thing. I connected with an old friend (an outstanding person indeed) on LinkedIn and was surprised by the new job title she’s having. I vaguely recall that when we were in the first grade of high school, we both participated in a city-level English Speaking Contest. When I got the highest score in our category (high school) and was awarded the first prize, she was very upset. She thought the judges were being unfair and she deserved the first place. She honestly believed so. I wish I were that confident. I have gradually stopped to laugh at them and started secretly to want to become them. Confident and self-assured no matter what. I see that my writing isn’t exactly logical or cohesive. That’s what I need those techniques for, no?
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