I could never forget how they looked at me on that bus as if I were a vague memory of theirs that took place more than a decade ago. They greeted me with a “Hey”, which I took as they could not recall my name, without doubt. It was an awkward moment, as none of us knew what would be appropriate to talk about. The bus was packed with crazy people waiting desperately for a chance to get crazier. The sun was almost scorching on that day, because that’s how it’s supposed to be. Dancing and shining in the sun. I bitterly remembered my left shoulder which was always obviously darker than any other part of my body, right shoulder included, and smiled politely to let them go. I don’t enjoy the fact that I can recognize every face I’ve seen, and now I’m even good with names, names of random acquaintances and names of the random girlfriends of random acquaintances. How delightful is that.
Then I thought about all the dinners we shared and all the conversations in which we all took part. Well, at least I was present. I mean, I might have dramatized it a bit, but the sense is there. Who would have cared? I guess they were just too busy talking and didn’t have much time paying attention to who’s around. I wish I were blind, too. I wish I could not see. But then I would not see the blue sky, either. Samuel Butler said, Greek and Latin can wait. I said, the wisdom teeth can wait. I cannot go to the dentist until I have someone who can protect me from the pain, or pretend to be in possession of that magic. Sometimes you’ve got nothing better to look at, so you look at signs. Coincidences. Numbers. Like some sensitive number that appeared in the SH stock exchange index yesterday. When everything becomes “sensitive”, they all go back to normal. But Portuguese cannot wait. Nothing can wait. There’re too many serial killers nowadays.
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